I’m walking back to my apartment after a treadmill workout this evening when I spy a pizza delivery car pulling up to my building. The car stops and the delivery guy hops out Dukes of Hazzard style, except he was more, and I quote, “Boss Hogg than Bo Duke”…nomathayin? (quote and “nomathayin?” used specifically in honor of a special someone) For those who are not familiar with the ways of exiting a car Dukes of Hazzard style, it means getting out through the window. Anyway, this delivery guy is about 60 pounds overweight so you can imagine the elegance in which he slithered out. He then proceeds to reach into the passenger seat to retrieve the awaiting customer’s brown bag of celery, carrots, and blue cheese. On his way to grab the pizza from his trunk he got hungry and took a piece of celery out of the brown bag and munched it down.

At this point I’m so intrigued by this situation that it occurs to me that these are the moments that I love in life. Moments that we seem to happen upon randomly but are so perfectly executed that they seem like our own personal Saturday Night Live skit.

Of course I had to wait around to see if he would get back into his vehicle through the window. So I waited in the shadows of my parking lot and wouldn’t you know, he came running down the stairs and jumped right through that window and sped off.

A few questions to ponder:

1. Was his car door stuck shut or was he just jumping in and out of his window?

2. Does he always eat from the customers bag of extras? And, does it matter that he stuck his hand in the bag? (I would answer yes to the second part of this question due to the many times that I see men leave a bathroom without washing their hands)

3. Does he feel that by jumping in and out of his window that it is a form of exercise? And, if yes, does he not realize that by eating something immediately thereafter that the calories he burned by jumping are right back where they started?

4. Or, is he just a huge fan of Dukes of Hazzard?


Signing off,
Rosco P. Coltrane

I watched Mulholland Drive the other night. For those of you who haven’t seen this movie it can leave you thinking, “What the hell was that?” As soon as the movie ended I ran over to my computer with its trusty internet connection and Googled, Mulholland Drive for some answers. I found a great synopsis/possible explanation on Salon.com. Make sure to read the comments left by readers. There is a very interesting response to the article that highlights the significant amount of similarities to the movie, Pulp Fiction. Be aware that the article contains spoilers.

There is a scene in which Connie Stevens’ 16 Reasons is played. I have heard this song many times but for some reason, upon this listening, it hit me how amazing Connie sings. Her phrasing is as close to perfect as I have heard. Listening to her makes me want to call home…nomathayin? I subsequently downloaded the song and have been listening to it over and over. Check it/her out when you get a chance.

I’ve always stopped myself from making 411 calls on my cell and home phones because of that nasty $2.50 charge that shows up on my bill. Here is a way to use 411 at no charge. I haven’t tested this yet but apparently you have to listen to a short advertisement before you get your information. I can deal with that. Dial, 1-800-Free-411, instead of 411, from either your cell or land line.

1-800-Free-411

Since I’ve mentioned Grey Mcmurray so much recently I decided to post a message he left for me the other day that cracked me up. 917-301-133 mmmpff

Hilarious.

Does anyone else find it insanely hard to iron clothes? I just spent a good 30 minutes on 1 shirt that still looks wrinkled. It seems to me that there should be a much faster and easier way to get a few wrinkles out of fabric. I got a steamer for Christmas so I’ll see if that’s any better.

While I’m at it, the same thing goes for laundry. Why on earth, in the year 2006, does it still take almost 2 hours to get clothes clean? Is there some monopolistic corporation that is preventing the release and mass production of some great invention that would clean clothes in 30 seconds? I mean, come on, I can fly from NYC to Atlanta in 90 minutes but I have to wait 2 hours for a clean shirt that still needs to be ironed after it comes out of the dryer?!?

Einstein once calculated how long he spent putting on and taking off his socks. The resulting amount of time made him vow to never wear socks again! (exclamation point specifically used in honor of Grey Mcmurray!)

Here are some other things that need to be futurized so that I can spend more time doing whatever:

Mowing the lawn
Boiling water/cooking pasta/rice
Cooking in general
Uploading files
Shaving
NYC Subway
Dishwashers